I've seen a lot of #MeToo on my timelines recently. Most of the women I know have posted it, and I know others who could but chose not to. It makes me very sad and very angry. I want to help remove sexual harassment/assault from our society, yet don't feel like there's a lot I can do. Be better aware of myself and the times I've made women feel uncomfortable as a start. But then what?
I strongly agree with the idea of shifting the focus from the victims to the perpetrators. "What was she wearing?" is an asinine cop-out. "Why did he think that was okay?" and "why did he think he could get away with it?" seem much more pertinent. Teaching our girls how to protect themselves is of course important; teaching our boys not to attack women is more relevant to getting rid of the problem. For example, Kenya has had good success teaching their boys to respect women.
Since I don't have sons, I feel confined to focusing on my girls' side of the issue. But my wife pointed out that there is much that I do, on a daily basis, in the example that I set. By treating my girls and wife with respect, showing that they are valued, I set the tone for how they will expect to be treated. I show them the kind of behavior to look for and encourage them not to settle for less.
I think this daily example extends beyond my girls. Kids of family and close friends will see my behavior. So will strangers in a grocery store. Not to mention how I treat the people I encounter in that store, a restaurant, etc. And as any kindergarten teacher can tell you, young kids are always watching and soak up a lot more than you realize. So men, we need to set the tone, showing our boys how to treat women.
And when young men (or not so young men) do despicable things, we need to hold them accountable. Make examples of them to show that we as a society we will not tolerate this behavior. We must also create a supportive environment where victims feel safe coming forward, rather than fearing for their safety and loss of reputation.
This is a problem that permeates our society; we as a society have the ability and obligation to stamp it out.
(Side note: this is a bit of an oversimplification of things. Men are not the only predators and girls not the only victims. And in many abusive situations--especially those allowed to fester--there is a power dynamic in play that makes speaking out very difficult.)
I strongly agree with the idea of shifting the focus from the victims to the perpetrators. "What was she wearing?" is an asinine cop-out. "Why did he think that was okay?" and "why did he think he could get away with it?" seem much more pertinent. Teaching our girls how to protect themselves is of course important; teaching our boys not to attack women is more relevant to getting rid of the problem. For example, Kenya has had good success teaching their boys to respect women.
Since I don't have sons, I feel confined to focusing on my girls' side of the issue. But my wife pointed out that there is much that I do, on a daily basis, in the example that I set. By treating my girls and wife with respect, showing that they are valued, I set the tone for how they will expect to be treated. I show them the kind of behavior to look for and encourage them not to settle for less.
I think this daily example extends beyond my girls. Kids of family and close friends will see my behavior. So will strangers in a grocery store. Not to mention how I treat the people I encounter in that store, a restaurant, etc. And as any kindergarten teacher can tell you, young kids are always watching and soak up a lot more than you realize. So men, we need to set the tone, showing our boys how to treat women.
And when young men (or not so young men) do despicable things, we need to hold them accountable. Make examples of them to show that we as a society we will not tolerate this behavior. We must also create a supportive environment where victims feel safe coming forward, rather than fearing for their safety and loss of reputation.
This is a problem that permeates our society; we as a society have the ability and obligation to stamp it out.
(Side note: this is a bit of an oversimplification of things. Men are not the only predators and girls not the only victims. And in many abusive situations--especially those allowed to fester--there is a power dynamic in play that makes speaking out very difficult.)
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